Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Love Your Colon!

Tonight’s dinner I enjoyed a nice jacket spud (perfectly crunchy on the outside, fluffy in the middle!), broccoli with green lentils and tomato. Seasoned with garlic, a magi cube and thyme, it was rather scrumdillyicious. As my men of Torr tucked into their meat-filled jackets, I decided that tonight’s bleating would be about why I eat veggie most days and encourage my men to eat it some days.

Hoping not to sound too much like I’m quoting from the gospel of St.Gillian McKeith, it is my understanding that we, the human race, were not created to withstand the western diet without complications. Our digestive system was not designed to cope with all the cow’s milk, wheat and red meat we have been brought up to feast on day in, day out. Wheat cereal for breakfast, meat sandwich for lunch, maybe pasta bolognese or pie for tea. When you add water to all that wheat flour, it sticks down the villi in the colon, and any nutrients can’t pentrate through the thick walls of what is essentially all the ‘glue’ being eaten! Also, meat can take up to 3 days to pass through the digestive system, slowing things down. Eeeyyeww . The Japanese eat the closest thing to a ‘perfect’ diet, although they can keep their fermented bean goo, I don’t care how good it is for us.

My proof of this knowledge rather than the theory of it, is the years of agony from my now diverticulated colon.

The weakness in my tummy is not only inherited (my father has only half of his colon left and my mothers isn’t in full working order either… eek!) but from years of abuse from eating whatever I wanted like (seemingly) everybody else does.

I was diagnosed with diverticular disease 4 years ago. Before that diagnosis after an uncomfortable laparoscopy, it had the umbrella term ‘IBS’. I was cursed with skin rashes, spots, bloating and a pendulum swing of runs /constipation and mood swings, aches and pains and the worst of all: The Debilitating Fatigue.

There was a brief respite from these symptoms when I was expecting my second child and a year after he was born. All the infections and ulcerations had left internal scarring which tugged at nerves whenever I ate, but as he grew inside, he stretched things out a bit and ‘freed’ things up. By the time he was born, I felt extremely well and indulged in all sorts of ‘forbidden’ foods without reprimand except for a few extra pounds. Well, I did have umpteen years worth of pizzas and ice cream to make up for….

A couple of viruses and tummy bugs later, I’m back to square one, popping back three mebeverines a day.

Somewhere inside is a self-destruct button, and when I stray from my ‘safe’ foods, I may as well shoot up heroin, as to what damage it does to me! And the cravings? There is no mercy!

I am at my happiest, healthiest and pain free(iest!) when I eat vegetarian, lactose/gluten/caffeine/alcohol free food and beverages. What a tightrope! It’s not easy, and I am not going to create a health-freak façade on this blog to fool you into thinking I’ve got it all sussed. I love milk chocolate. I love fresh crusty bread. I love ale and a glass (or two) of wine now and then. I like meat. I just wish the aforementioned self destruct button never gets pressed and I loved my colon more.

There are some holy grails to be found on my shopping list though: Green and Black’s Dark Cherry Chocolate, Swedish Glace Ice Cream and Fry Light Buttery spray on my popcorn. All Stelly-friendly and indulgent. :oD Life is worth living after all.

My second post has an apt reference to number twos. How about that.

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